Week 5: -0.4
Total Weight Lost: -5.4
So this was an interesting week. Now, I know people say they’ve struggled with weight their entire lives, but I really, truly have. The first time I remember thinking I was fat was in second grade. Sad, really, but there honestly hasn’t been a time in my life, regardless of the number on the scale, that I haven’t felt fat. I’ve been as low as 118 (when I was 15) to 200+ (we’ll just leave that “plus” a bit ambiguous, shall we)?
When I was a freshman in high school, I weighed 172 lbs. I went on MediFast (the shake diet for those of you that aren’t familiar with it) the summer between freshman and sophomore year and went down to 118 lbs. At 5’6”, that weight might look good on some, but I was too thin. And guess what? I thought I was fat. Yes, I know it doesn’t make sense, but I think I just lost weight so quickly that I obviously didn’t handle any of the emotional reasons I was overweight (or the mental acceptance of where I was) and, I believe, that the majority of those of us that are overweight know that it’s not about the food. By my senior year, I was up to around 140 and stayed there pretty much throughout college. And, yes, I always thought I was fat.
My first job out of college was one where I literally lived on the road out of a suitcase and I did that for just over 1.5 years. I got up to about 160 at that time. I settled in Chicago in 1998 and my weight has been at 160 or above since that time.
So what was different this week? This week, for the first time, it became a “truth” for me that I am on my way to becoming lean, healthy and strong. I do believe that I’m healthy and strong now, but there’s another element to both of those things when one is lean as well. It’s not that I didn’t think about food a lot (per usual), but I wasn’t obsessed with it in the same way that I’ve always been. I’m not sure exactly what’s shifted, but somehow, I learned to relax a little bit about it all. I know now that it’s just a matter of time. Not if, but when.
Some small things that I now recognize as huge: first, I’ve been under the weather all week with my sinuses and instead of four (or more) workouts, I only had one and only earned 5 APs instead of my typical 30-45. And on Friday I went out to lunch with colleagues and ate a splurge-y meal – 21 PP!!!
Here’s the thing though – instead of beating myself up for either or both of those things, I truly accepted them. I told myself that there will be weeks that I don’t work out and there will most certainly be times when I splurge. It’s life! And I think for the first time in my life I’m learning to enjoy the journey and not just focus on the results. Because the truth is, with weight loss, the journey is actually more important than the results; because by understanding ourselves day-by-day and month-by-month, we will be able to not only succeed, but to prevail.
Until next Monday,